Well, tomorrow is going to be hard for me for some reason. Kylee is going into 4th grade tomorrow, and in a new school. Life is changing so quicky for us this past year. I feel so very lucky for what I have, but can't help to think that Landon should be here. It is Kylee's special day tomorrow and I need to focus on her, I know this, and I will. But today I just keep thinking how it would be if he were here. I usually don't do that, I try not to anyway. I figured that it would be too hard and the whole what if thing as well if I wondered how life would be if he were here. But I am human and unfortunately I do things that I know I shouldn't. Thinking of how Landon and Kylee would be together, and just how sad he would be that Sister was not around during the day....how can I not think about that!? Man I miss him so much!! I also think...wow I am supposed to be a stay at home mommy with Landon right now.....my baby boy isn't here, so now what!? I feel so worthless at the moment. I am home by myself now so there isn't much mess to kep up with, Kylee isn't as in need for her Mommy as she use to and Landon isn't here for me to take care of. I will be volunteering at her school of course, and hopefully we will get pregnant soon!? But until then what do I fill my days with? Seriously I don't know what to do anymore. I just miss my baby, Landon I wish you were here!! Kylee I am so proud of the little lady you have become! I am so in love with my family, I just need to find myself again, at least until Mommyhood calls again (hopefully)!
Missy
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I admit, I can't imagine your life right now. My boys are home so unless my parents are watching them or something like that, I fully know my role and often have difficulty keeping up with it. I'll be praying God's peace for you during this "waiting" period that he would fill your life with his plans so you wouldn't feel worthless. And you're not, but I understand the gamut of feelings that can occur after what we've been through! Blessings!
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