OMG!!! We are really pregnant! I still cannot believe it. I know there is still a possibility that it can end as an ectopic pregnancy. But I am going to sing God's praises as long as the baby is with me, and there after if that is the case. I have said since April that if we got pregnant it would be in August. Who knew that it was God's plan too. ;) Praying hard and hoping all is going to be ok. Kylee and Paul are so excited as well. Now if I can keep the nausea under control we will be all good! ;)
Blessings,
Missy
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Confused
I am so confused, I have no clue how to get music to play on my blog.
I am so confused period, guess there doesn't really need to have a reason!
=P
-Missy
I am so confused period, guess there doesn't really need to have a reason!
=P
-Missy
I cannot get a grip!!
Well yesterday was a VERY bad day for me. Today isn't as bad but not as well as I would like for it to be. I love the fact that when you rent, you are not responsible for the costs of repairs when things happen. Such as a leak in the bathroom that has slowly been behind the wall for awhile now and has caused mold and needs the faucet, tile, and sheet rock repaired. But then again , when you rent - you do not get the job you want done. I would do so much with that bathroom if the tile had to be knocked down and such, but ummm no!! I would love to buy again, but that is so far away from happening! We talk about leasing this house, but realistically I don't want to. I would like to stay in this zip code, close to this area. I love it here. It is close to Kylee's school, Landon, Our doctor's and dentists (minus Kylee's Dr), hospital, church and close enough to Paul's work. But I just don't know if I can do it here. By the time I get this house where it would need to be, I could have paid the same price down for a nicer maybe a little bigger home! I am so confused. We go back and forth with this all the time, lease or not to lease. I guess I just need to win the lottery - Ha!!
I am sitting here still waiting for the stupid maintenance guy to get here. Over an hour late so far. As I just sit here. I am suppose to be at Nikki's today with her and Nicole getting stuff ready for Dylan's party, but I am just sitting here. Seriously it is so much fun - NOT!
I have been flip flopping alot here lately with some feelings. I feel like as this roller coaster called grief continues, it is just getting harder. It seemed so easy to lean on God, family and friends right after he passed. I found so much hope in things and knew I wanted to help people, get on board with the hospital, show people that God is still good. I believe that, truly I do. I don't think I could wake up and get moving everyday if I didn't think that God is still good! But, it is harder to see now. I feel it and know it, but the devil steps in sometimes and reminds me of the things I do not have with me today rather than allowing God to shine through and show me things to still be grateful for. Most nights I just think about how much happier I would be if I could go lay with him and just sleep next to him. Impossible now! But I yearn to be there. Then there are the days I can barely see because the tears just keep coming and sometimes I am not even able to pinpoint the reasons for the tears other than I just need him here. Then again, I have days of total numbness, nothing good nor bad. Just numb. Those are actually the worst. I feel like I am forgetting him, when I know I am not. I right at the moment wish to be pregnant for many reasons. It scares me on some days but most it is all I hold onto. Yes, I KNOW that it isn't always healthy. Yes, I know that I shouldn't want something so badly right now....blah blah blah!! Be in my exact shoes people, then you can see what it is really like rather than what you guys are "Imagining" it is like. Or the whole, I can't believe they are doing this, I would.... You guys have no clue. And I understand that, but........I don't know......anyway.......
I think I need to stop for now. I will get back on later I guess. Oh! The FPU homework is finished and done and that is one thing I look forward to. If only it were a quick fix though, but at least it is getting us somewhere. Hope you all have a great day and that my day gets better, though not looking promising.
-Missy
I am sitting here still waiting for the stupid maintenance guy to get here. Over an hour late so far. As I just sit here. I am suppose to be at Nikki's today with her and Nicole getting stuff ready for Dylan's party, but I am just sitting here. Seriously it is so much fun - NOT!
I have been flip flopping alot here lately with some feelings. I feel like as this roller coaster called grief continues, it is just getting harder. It seemed so easy to lean on God, family and friends right after he passed. I found so much hope in things and knew I wanted to help people, get on board with the hospital, show people that God is still good. I believe that, truly I do. I don't think I could wake up and get moving everyday if I didn't think that God is still good! But, it is harder to see now. I feel it and know it, but the devil steps in sometimes and reminds me of the things I do not have with me today rather than allowing God to shine through and show me things to still be grateful for. Most nights I just think about how much happier I would be if I could go lay with him and just sleep next to him. Impossible now! But I yearn to be there. Then there are the days I can barely see because the tears just keep coming and sometimes I am not even able to pinpoint the reasons for the tears other than I just need him here. Then again, I have days of total numbness, nothing good nor bad. Just numb. Those are actually the worst. I feel like I am forgetting him, when I know I am not. I right at the moment wish to be pregnant for many reasons. It scares me on some days but most it is all I hold onto. Yes, I KNOW that it isn't always healthy. Yes, I know that I shouldn't want something so badly right now....blah blah blah!! Be in my exact shoes people, then you can see what it is really like rather than what you guys are "Imagining" it is like. Or the whole, I can't believe they are doing this, I would.... You guys have no clue. And I understand that, but........I don't know......anyway.......
I think I need to stop for now. I will get back on later I guess. Oh! The FPU homework is finished and done and that is one thing I look forward to. If only it were a quick fix though, but at least it is getting us somewhere. Hope you all have a great day and that my day gets better, though not looking promising.
-Missy
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Bad Day Overall
I cannot believe it is September! Wow time is flying!
Anyway, not having a good day today. Too much to even write about in detail. But it goes along these lines...my house, money, garage sale, job?, self worth, missing Landon LOTS!!, bathroom, renting, major repairs, car, alone with too many thoughts! I can actually go on, but I am just getting more frustrated as I list basics down. I am trying really hard to stay positive right now.
The good news of the day though is....I finally got a budget together and right. Starting with this next payday I have found a way miraculously to save each payday. I know it seems crazy for some of you who don't know me very well. But here is the deal. Paul is the bread winner in this family. I do not work, well I do not have a job that pays. I work!! But nothing beyond the normal for a housewife/mom I guess. I use to clean the church and get paid for that, but I was STUPID and gave it up while I was pregnant with Landon. I know I ask myself the same question. It seemed right then, but just wasn't in the long run. It was such an easy job and I gave it up for what!? Anyway, I want to earn some extra cash - but that is another blog in itself! So back to the subject here, Paul has only worked for AT&T for 2 years. When he started here we took a $10 an hour paycut and less hours as well!! So needless to say we have definitly STRUGGLED!! God has provided through and through!! But now for the first time in 2 years (if not longer) I seem to have found a budget that will work. I am so excited. It took me 2 1/2 hours today to do, but is well worth it. I can't wait to start down the road to financial freedom. Now I know I won't be rich - Darn It!! But to just stop living paycheck to paycheck would be nice.
So that is my one and only good news for the day. Everything else has either been bad or frustrating!! I have a lot on my mind, especially the thinking of what I would be doing and how my life would be if Landon were here. Next Saturday will be 7 months!! I just can't believe it. And I know it will get harder as Kylee's 10th bday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and his one year anniversary get closer. I am hoping to be pregnant soon, that would be AWESOME!! Scary, but great. But in all honesty, it will NOT take these emotions and feelings away. Overall he will not be here. And if another baby comes, I will just be thinking how that baby will never know what an awesome, fun, and active big brother they had. So I know that it won't make it better, but it is something I want so badly! I guess we will see. I am hoping that God can give me this blessing again!
Well now that I have just depressed myself more than when I started typing I guess I will go and get ready to get Kylee from school. Hopefully she had a better day than me.
-Missy
Anyway, not having a good day today. Too much to even write about in detail. But it goes along these lines...my house, money, garage sale, job?, self worth, missing Landon LOTS!!, bathroom, renting, major repairs, car, alone with too many thoughts! I can actually go on, but I am just getting more frustrated as I list basics down. I am trying really hard to stay positive right now.
The good news of the day though is....I finally got a budget together and right. Starting with this next payday I have found a way miraculously to save each payday. I know it seems crazy for some of you who don't know me very well. But here is the deal. Paul is the bread winner in this family. I do not work, well I do not have a job that pays. I work!! But nothing beyond the normal for a housewife/mom I guess. I use to clean the church and get paid for that, but I was STUPID and gave it up while I was pregnant with Landon. I know I ask myself the same question. It seemed right then, but just wasn't in the long run. It was such an easy job and I gave it up for what!? Anyway, I want to earn some extra cash - but that is another blog in itself! So back to the subject here, Paul has only worked for AT&T for 2 years. When he started here we took a $10 an hour paycut and less hours as well!! So needless to say we have definitly STRUGGLED!! God has provided through and through!! But now for the first time in 2 years (if not longer) I seem to have found a budget that will work. I am so excited. It took me 2 1/2 hours today to do, but is well worth it. I can't wait to start down the road to financial freedom. Now I know I won't be rich - Darn It!! But to just stop living paycheck to paycheck would be nice.
So that is my one and only good news for the day. Everything else has either been bad or frustrating!! I have a lot on my mind, especially the thinking of what I would be doing and how my life would be if Landon were here. Next Saturday will be 7 months!! I just can't believe it. And I know it will get harder as Kylee's 10th bday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and his one year anniversary get closer. I am hoping to be pregnant soon, that would be AWESOME!! Scary, but great. But in all honesty, it will NOT take these emotions and feelings away. Overall he will not be here. And if another baby comes, I will just be thinking how that baby will never know what an awesome, fun, and active big brother they had. So I know that it won't make it better, but it is something I want so badly! I guess we will see. I am hoping that God can give me this blessing again!
Well now that I have just depressed myself more than when I started typing I guess I will go and get ready to get Kylee from school. Hopefully she had a better day than me.
-Missy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
