Dear God,
THANK YOU!!
Thursday, July 30, 2009
What a day!
So here I am this morning, trying to make it a better day than the few this week so far. I hate paydays at the beginning of the month, they never seem enough. I was actually feeling decent this morning, and then took my antibiotic. Ugh, about an hour after that I am a little nauseous again. Yay!!
Realistically it has been worse. God continues to show himself and help us through it all. I hate complaining when I know it could be worse. And for me, I try to say it can always be worse.
I have been complaining this last week on how I was feeling so numb lately. We would go to Landon's grave, I couldn't feel happy or sad. I couldn't smile or cry - was just numb! Well this is one roller coaster of a ride. I am feeling it a bit more today. I feel like I am going to have a hard time getting through the day without crying. Missing Landon so much! I don't get it though. How can I be so numb for days, and then Poof, I miss him and feel like falling apart!? It is so weird. I would think about him, it is so hard not to, but couldn't have emotion behind it. I keep asking myself, when is this going to end? I know the answer - NEVER! I don't want it to either is the funny part. I want him here with me always, whether that is a memory that makes me smile or a memory that makes me cry days on end. 12 more days until he would have been 6 months! 6 months!! I cannot believe it has been 6 months. It seemed to fly by so quickly!! I like to get information on what he would be doing right now if he were here. It helps me sometimes. Then there are days I don't read it, I want him here like I remember. Not what he would be doing. I don't know anymore, just a weird road of grief. Can never seem to get a handle on it all. I miss you baby boy!
Kylee goes to the GI Specialist tomorrow. Poor baby has been having tummy issues. Hopefully it is nothing too bad and they will be able to help her. I can't handle her going through anything. It would be unbearable. I am putting it solely in God's hands though. I am sure she is just fine! She has gone through a lot lately as well and I am sure it doesn't help her belly any.
Well these are my thoughts at the moment, I wonder what I will think next, LOL!!
Realistically it has been worse. God continues to show himself and help us through it all. I hate complaining when I know it could be worse. And for me, I try to say it can always be worse.
I have been complaining this last week on how I was feeling so numb lately. We would go to Landon's grave, I couldn't feel happy or sad. I couldn't smile or cry - was just numb! Well this is one roller coaster of a ride. I am feeling it a bit more today. I feel like I am going to have a hard time getting through the day without crying. Missing Landon so much! I don't get it though. How can I be so numb for days, and then Poof, I miss him and feel like falling apart!? It is so weird. I would think about him, it is so hard not to, but couldn't have emotion behind it. I keep asking myself, when is this going to end? I know the answer - NEVER! I don't want it to either is the funny part. I want him here with me always, whether that is a memory that makes me smile or a memory that makes me cry days on end. 12 more days until he would have been 6 months! 6 months!! I cannot believe it has been 6 months. It seemed to fly by so quickly!! I like to get information on what he would be doing right now if he were here. It helps me sometimes. Then there are days I don't read it, I want him here like I remember. Not what he would be doing. I don't know anymore, just a weird road of grief. Can never seem to get a handle on it all. I miss you baby boy!
Kylee goes to the GI Specialist tomorrow. Poor baby has been having tummy issues. Hopefully it is nothing too bad and they will be able to help her. I can't handle her going through anything. It would be unbearable. I am putting it solely in God's hands though. I am sure she is just fine! She has gone through a lot lately as well and I am sure it doesn't help her belly any.
Well these are my thoughts at the moment, I wonder what I will think next, LOL!!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Beginning
Well, here I go. I have been needing another outlet to get every thought, good or bad, out of my head. I don't do well journaling. I would much rather type. So here I am starting my new blog. I wish I had done this at the beginning of my pregnancy with Landon, would have been nice to go back and look at.
This is my outlet, I do not expect anyone to follow me everyday like we do sometimes with each other on facebook. I do not mean to offend anyone on here. I am never one to name names when I speak, so you won't here that from me. But I am putting my feelings on the pages. Good and bad. My therapy so to speak. I hope that this may help some other grieveing mothers/families, but at this point I am trying to help me. Through this whole process I have tired to focus on others and what I can do for them. I mainly do that to keep busy and not focus on how I am really feeling in my soul, deep down since Landon's passing. Plus I do really love helping others, it can give you a purpose behind your day. Now this has nothing to do with physically helping me, though I need to lose a few pounds, hahaha. I am trying to emotionally get a grip on my life. I have so many emotions run through me day by day, minute by minute. I sometimes push them aside or pretend I am 100% okay so that I can function normally each day. I do have my faith in God and that hasn't and hopefully will never change, but I am human and these emotions are consuming me at times. For me to be healthy in every sense, body, mind and soul, I have to face my challenges - whatever they may be.
Thanks for all the support.
This is my outlet, I do not expect anyone to follow me everyday like we do sometimes with each other on facebook. I do not mean to offend anyone on here. I am never one to name names when I speak, so you won't here that from me. But I am putting my feelings on the pages. Good and bad. My therapy so to speak. I hope that this may help some other grieveing mothers/families, but at this point I am trying to help me. Through this whole process I have tired to focus on others and what I can do for them. I mainly do that to keep busy and not focus on how I am really feeling in my soul, deep down since Landon's passing. Plus I do really love helping others, it can give you a purpose behind your day. Now this has nothing to do with physically helping me, though I need to lose a few pounds, hahaha. I am trying to emotionally get a grip on my life. I have so many emotions run through me day by day, minute by minute. I sometimes push them aside or pretend I am 100% okay so that I can function normally each day. I do have my faith in God and that hasn't and hopefully will never change, but I am human and these emotions are consuming me at times. For me to be healthy in every sense, body, mind and soul, I have to face my challenges - whatever they may be.
Thanks for all the support.
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