Bad Day Overall

I cannot believe it is September! Wow time is flying!

Anyway, not having a good day today. Too much to even write about in detail. But it goes along these lines...my house, money, garage sale, job?, self worth, missing Landon LOTS!!, bathroom, renting, major repairs, car, alone with too many thoughts! I can actually go on, but I am just getting more frustrated as I list basics down. I am trying really hard to stay positive right now.

The good news of the day though is....I finally got a budget together and right. Starting with this next payday I have found a way miraculously to save each payday. I know it seems crazy for some of you who don't know me very well. But here is the deal. Paul is the bread winner in this family. I do not work, well I do not have a job that pays. I work!! But nothing beyond the normal for a housewife/mom I guess. I use to clean the church and get paid for that, but I was STUPID and gave it up while I was pregnant with Landon. I know I ask myself the same question. It seemed right then, but just wasn't in the long run. It was such an easy job and I gave it up for what!? Anyway, I want to earn some extra cash - but that is another blog in itself! So back to the subject here, Paul has only worked for AT&T for 2 years. When he started here we took a $10 an hour paycut and less hours as well!! So needless to say we have definitly STRUGGLED!! God has provided through and through!! But now for the first time in 2 years (if not longer) I seem to have found a budget that will work. I am so excited. It took me 2 1/2 hours today to do, but is well worth it. I can't wait to start down the road to financial freedom. Now I know I won't be rich - Darn It!! But to just stop living paycheck to paycheck would be nice.

So that is my one and only good news for the day. Everything else has either been bad or frustrating!! I have a lot on my mind, especially the thinking of what I would be doing and how my life would be if Landon were here. Next Saturday will be 7 months!! I just can't believe it. And I know it will get harder as Kylee's 10th bday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and his one year anniversary get closer. I am hoping to be pregnant soon, that would be AWESOME!! Scary, but great. But in all honesty, it will NOT take these emotions and feelings away. Overall he will not be here. And if another baby comes, I will just be thinking how that baby will never know what an awesome, fun, and active big brother they had. So I know that it won't make it better, but it is something I want so badly! I guess we will see. I am hoping that God can give me this blessing again!

Well now that I have just depressed myself more than when I started typing I guess I will go and get ready to get Kylee from school. Hopefully she had a better day than me.

-Missy