So here I am this morning, trying to make it a better day than the few this week so far. I hate paydays at the beginning of the month, they never seem enough. I was actually feeling decent this morning, and then took my antibiotic. Ugh, about an hour after that I am a little nauseous again. Yay!!
Realistically it has been worse. God continues to show himself and help us through it all. I hate complaining when I know it could be worse. And for me, I try to say it can always be worse.
I have been complaining this last week on how I was feeling so numb lately. We would go to Landon's grave, I couldn't feel happy or sad. I couldn't smile or cry - was just numb! Well this is one roller coaster of a ride. I am feeling it a bit more today. I feel like I am going to have a hard time getting through the day without crying. Missing Landon so much! I don't get it though. How can I be so numb for days, and then Poof, I miss him and feel like falling apart!? It is so weird. I would think about him, it is so hard not to, but couldn't have emotion behind it. I keep asking myself, when is this going to end? I know the answer - NEVER! I don't want it to either is the funny part. I want him here with me always, whether that is a memory that makes me smile or a memory that makes me cry days on end. 12 more days until he would have been 6 months! 6 months!! I cannot believe it has been 6 months. It seemed to fly by so quickly!! I like to get information on what he would be doing right now if he were here. It helps me sometimes. Then there are days I don't read it, I want him here like I remember. Not what he would be doing. I don't know anymore, just a weird road of grief. Can never seem to get a handle on it all. I miss you baby boy!
Kylee goes to the GI Specialist tomorrow. Poor baby has been having tummy issues. Hopefully it is nothing too bad and they will be able to help her. I can't handle her going through anything. It would be unbearable. I am putting it solely in God's hands though. I am sure she is just fine! She has gone through a lot lately as well and I am sure it doesn't help her belly any.
Well these are my thoughts at the moment, I wonder what I will think next, LOL!!
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Missy -
ReplyDeleteWhen I went to Maternal Fetal Medicine last month, the doctor made a comment (not in relation to Felicity at all) that each baby a woman carries leaves cells that stay with mom her entire life. They've even found these cells in autopsies.
So even though Landon's not here with you, pieces of him will always be with you. I found that comforting - like I never have to completely be without Felicity.
Blessings!
Wow! That is amazing, I have never heard that before. Thank you for sharing Rachel!
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