Vivian's Story up to now 4/15/10

Wow! Only 5 days left and here I am thinking back on all we’ve been through to get this sweet baby girl here. On February 12, 2009 we had our angel son Landon, who was stillborn due to a true knot and nuchal cord X2. He was a little bit of a surprise to have, considering that ever since we had had Kylee we were told that with my PCOS and choosing not to take medications to help things along, we had less than 1% of having anymore children. So a miracle to us he was. My cysts had popped on their own and made me more fertile than ever. What a gift from God. But we had our children almost 10 years apart and we were for sure that this was it. We were going to be done having children after Landon. With much convincing to the doctors my tubes were tied the day I had him.

Needless to say, that was not what we wanted. Once you have these hopes and dreams of your child being in your arms and then have it taken away so quickly, you tend (or for us anyway) to want as many as God is willing to give you. 3 days later we admitted the Dr was right and by May 2009 I had my tubal reversed. Now again, they said a normal woman would take 6 months to a year to be able to get pregnant again after a reversal. With me and the chances of PCOS coming back they thought possibly longer than a year for us. So after my hematoma healed after my reversal Paul and I thought we better get going if we are going to have to wait a year or more to have more kids. And with the doctors release we began to try again.

July went by and no luck, not a surprise but disappointments arose. I just wanted another baby if not 2 or 3 more, though I knew this was going to be a lengthy process. So in August I tried to prepare myself that it probably wasn’t going to happen but low and behold another sweet miracle! We were pregnant again!! Within 2 months of trying. The Doctors were flabbergasted to say the least. We found out we were 2 ½ weeks pregnant on August 7th with a due date of May 16, 2010!

Now with a reversal we ran a high risk of a tubal pregnancy. We had to wait a few weeks for the sonogram to show the fertilized egg but at 5 weeks pregnant we were able to see a viable pregnancy in the uterus!! Again, another sweet miracle. I was having some issues at 8 weeks along that made the doctors watch me a little and put me on limited bed rest. Not too bad though. Well at 12 weeks the scariest thing imaginable at that time happened. I was out shopping and began to cramp which was followed by bleeding. I was terrified, please God do not take another baby. The outcome wasn’t great; we thought we were in the process of losing our sweet baby….again! As time went by the bleeding slowly stopped on its own. They were able to do all the testing and it came to show I had a subchorionic hemmorage/hematoma. Basically a part of my placenta detached. They don’t call it a placental abruption this early in pregnancy.

Anyway, needless to say the next 8 weeks were spent on bed rest. They wanted to make sure nothing else happened. Especially with my history with Kylee, my placenta abrupted with her at 36 weeks. So we continued to see my high risk doctors every 4 weeks and my regular OB every 2 weeks, until my 29th week where I saw both doctors weekly. In the end she was a little fighter and was perfectly okay!

To make the story shorter, not necessarily short….we had so many little things come up in this pregnancy that just seemed to happen one right after another. Our family endured swine flu, croup, stomach bugs, I had my dental implant act up, was diagnosed with TMJ and had to get a mouth guard, depression set in, Landon’s 1 year angelversary, abdominal migraines, whiplash, surpluses, life without Landon and just so much more, yet here we are 5 days from Vivian’s arrival and we have survived this far. I’m not shocked my family pulled through, I am just in shock that Vivian and I are still holding it together. It amazes me that all we have been through, grief and emotions, hormones, health issues and other problems, she is just as healthy as can be as of the writing of this letter. I don’t know why Landon isn’t with us, and I probably never will. I just know that he gave my family hope and the endurance to push through the many things that normally would have knocked us down by now, kept us focused on God. And though I know it is my almighty God that has gotten us this far, I know Vivian’s big brother Landon is watching over her and helping God in doing his best to bring her to us. A difficult road just to even conceive her, plus a high risk pregnancy with lots of ups and downs….only 5 more days until we hold our precious third baby!! God is so good! Can’t wait to meet our Vivian Hope Schuchman! It amazes me how all 3 of my children are miracles, I have medical reasons none of them should have been with us. Even Landon lasted longer than he should have considering the severity of his knot! God is good, amazing, and He has NEVER left us! We are soooooo blessed!!

GETTING CLOSE

Well I haven't blogged in awhile. Been too busy, or haven't had the umph to do it. Well only 4 more weeks until we see my sweet Vivian. I cannot believe we made it this far already. Had anyone told me at the time of my subchoronic hemorrage at 12 weeks that we would have made it this far in the pregnancy I wouldn't have believed them. What a journey this has been! Never a dull moment I can tell you that. Hopefully this isn't showing us what we are in store for when she gets here. LOL! I feel so blessed.

I am almost of this bug they say. I am still having occasional severe nausea but thank goodness I am holding everything down. Granted it only consist of crackers, jello, toast and water, but it is staying down. I ventured out even with the nausea and decided to try a PB&J sandwhich, tasted good, but it doesn't settle too well.

I am 1 pound away from my 40 pounds gained mark. Still less than the other two pregnancies but of course more than I would have liked to have gained. AND I still have 4 more weeks. Yikes!

Everyone here is doing well. I am hoping that Paul is off this weekend and I am feeling 100% better to start getting the house and van ready 100% for Vivian's arrival. With all these contractions and just that Mama Intuition I just don't know if I am going to make it to my 36 week mark. I of course pray that I do, she needs to bake as long as possible, but I don't know....hmmm.....

Well I don't know when I will post again. Just had some time today and thought what the hey! Hope everyone is having a great week and staying positive. I know I am trying my best. I WILL get this baby girl here and alive!! =)

I'm back for now....

It has been SOoooooo long since I have blogged. The last blog was that we were pregnant! LOL! Alot has happened since then! This pregnancy has not been the most pleasant, emotionally of course is rough, but physically it has been quite hard! I did have an appointment today (I am almost 25 weeks) and Vivian is doing very well. I have had a great couple of weeks compared to how I was doing. It is nice to be off bedrest and out of the house.
Hopefully I will remember to come blog every now and then from here on out. Then again you really never know with me. Depends on the day and my mood. Well off to clean the house now - Boo, no fun!

A new beginning

OMG!!! We are really pregnant! I still cannot believe it. I know there is still a possibility that it can end as an ectopic pregnancy. But I am going to sing God's praises as long as the baby is with me, and there after if that is the case. I have said since April that if we got pregnant it would be in August. Who knew that it was God's plan too. ;) Praying hard and hoping all is going to be ok. Kylee and Paul are so excited as well. Now if I can keep the nausea under control we will be all good! ;)
Blessings,
Missy

Confused

I am so confused, I have no clue how to get music to play on my blog.

I am so confused period, guess there doesn't really need to have a reason!

=P

-Missy

I cannot get a grip!!

Well yesterday was a VERY bad day for me. Today isn't as bad but not as well as I would like for it to be. I love the fact that when you rent, you are not responsible for the costs of repairs when things happen. Such as a leak in the bathroom that has slowly been behind the wall for awhile now and has caused mold and needs the faucet, tile, and sheet rock repaired. But then again , when you rent - you do not get the job you want done. I would do so much with that bathroom if the tile had to be knocked down and such, but ummm no!! I would love to buy again, but that is so far away from happening! We talk about leasing this house, but realistically I don't want to. I would like to stay in this zip code, close to this area. I love it here. It is close to Kylee's school, Landon, Our doctor's and dentists (minus Kylee's Dr), hospital, church and close enough to Paul's work. But I just don't know if I can do it here. By the time I get this house where it would need to be, I could have paid the same price down for a nicer maybe a little bigger home! I am so confused. We go back and forth with this all the time, lease or not to lease. I guess I just need to win the lottery - Ha!!

I am sitting here still waiting for the stupid maintenance guy to get here. Over an hour late so far. As I just sit here. I am suppose to be at Nikki's today with her and Nicole getting stuff ready for Dylan's party, but I am just sitting here. Seriously it is so much fun - NOT!

I have been flip flopping alot here lately with some feelings. I feel like as this roller coaster called grief continues, it is just getting harder. It seemed so easy to lean on God, family and friends right after he passed. I found so much hope in things and knew I wanted to help people, get on board with the hospital, show people that God is still good. I believe that, truly I do. I don't think I could wake up and get moving everyday if I didn't think that God is still good! But, it is harder to see now. I feel it and know it, but the devil steps in sometimes and reminds me of the things I do not have with me today rather than allowing God to shine through and show me things to still be grateful for. Most nights I just think about how much happier I would be if I could go lay with him and just sleep next to him. Impossible now! But I yearn to be there. Then there are the days I can barely see because the tears just keep coming and sometimes I am not even able to pinpoint the reasons for the tears other than I just need him here. Then again, I have days of total numbness, nothing good nor bad. Just numb. Those are actually the worst. I feel like I am forgetting him, when I know I am not. I right at the moment wish to be pregnant for many reasons. It scares me on some days but most it is all I hold onto. Yes, I KNOW that it isn't always healthy. Yes, I know that I shouldn't want something so badly right now....blah blah blah!! Be in my exact shoes people, then you can see what it is really like rather than what you guys are "Imagining" it is like. Or the whole, I can't believe they are doing this, I would.... You guys have no clue. And I understand that, but........I don't know......anyway.......

I think I need to stop for now. I will get back on later I guess. Oh! The FPU homework is finished and done and that is one thing I look forward to. If only it were a quick fix though, but at least it is getting us somewhere. Hope you all have a great day and that my day gets better, though not looking promising.
-Missy

Bad Day Overall

I cannot believe it is September! Wow time is flying!

Anyway, not having a good day today. Too much to even write about in detail. But it goes along these lines...my house, money, garage sale, job?, self worth, missing Landon LOTS!!, bathroom, renting, major repairs, car, alone with too many thoughts! I can actually go on, but I am just getting more frustrated as I list basics down. I am trying really hard to stay positive right now.

The good news of the day though is....I finally got a budget together and right. Starting with this next payday I have found a way miraculously to save each payday. I know it seems crazy for some of you who don't know me very well. But here is the deal. Paul is the bread winner in this family. I do not work, well I do not have a job that pays. I work!! But nothing beyond the normal for a housewife/mom I guess. I use to clean the church and get paid for that, but I was STUPID and gave it up while I was pregnant with Landon. I know I ask myself the same question. It seemed right then, but just wasn't in the long run. It was such an easy job and I gave it up for what!? Anyway, I want to earn some extra cash - but that is another blog in itself! So back to the subject here, Paul has only worked for AT&T for 2 years. When he started here we took a $10 an hour paycut and less hours as well!! So needless to say we have definitly STRUGGLED!! God has provided through and through!! But now for the first time in 2 years (if not longer) I seem to have found a budget that will work. I am so excited. It took me 2 1/2 hours today to do, but is well worth it. I can't wait to start down the road to financial freedom. Now I know I won't be rich - Darn It!! But to just stop living paycheck to paycheck would be nice.

So that is my one and only good news for the day. Everything else has either been bad or frustrating!! I have a lot on my mind, especially the thinking of what I would be doing and how my life would be if Landon were here. Next Saturday will be 7 months!! I just can't believe it. And I know it will get harder as Kylee's 10th bday, Thanksgiving, Christmas and his one year anniversary get closer. I am hoping to be pregnant soon, that would be AWESOME!! Scary, but great. But in all honesty, it will NOT take these emotions and feelings away. Overall he will not be here. And if another baby comes, I will just be thinking how that baby will never know what an awesome, fun, and active big brother they had. So I know that it won't make it better, but it is something I want so badly! I guess we will see. I am hoping that God can give me this blessing again!

Well now that I have just depressed myself more than when I started typing I guess I will go and get ready to get Kylee from school. Hopefully she had a better day than me.

-Missy

I am missing Landon alot today. Can't help but think that it would be me and him at home right now rather than just me while sister, Kylee, is at school. Wish he were here.

Yay!! Kylee had a great day!

I am so happy. Kylee was just not my normal sweet loving and positive little girl last week. She had some major stresses over many things. We had a serious talk last night after a really good weekend. She admitted a few things to us and we were able to really get through to her that life is so much better when you trust it all in God!

Well needless to say I think it worked! She came home today cheerful for the first time after school. She is excited because her support group is tonight and she had a good day at school. She said she prayed this morning and her day was better. She said she still doesn't like the homework, but who does - right!?

Thank you God for the encouragement and peace you gave Kylee today. I ask that you continue to wrap your arms around here and remind her that you can handle it ALL! Thank you thank you Thank you!!

First FPU Blog

Ok guys! Paul and I have started Financial Peace University, yes again. We didn't fail last year, we just plain quit. I always used the excuse then up until yesterday that we quit because Dave Ramsey's emergency fund turned into a baby fund. But as I sat there last night listening to the first weeks lesson, I learned that I was using that as an excuse to not to do it at all. I mean it wasn't a surprise, when we started this last year I was already 2 to 3 months pregnant. I think Paul and I were not at a point where we wanted to hear that we were not doing what we were suppose to be doing with our money. I mean we are not ones to blow and go anymore, but we can definitly find ways to start making this work - we HAVE to, there is no other choice at this point.

When I sat down last night, it was like light bulbs had gone off in my head. Duh moments. I think it is different this time because we are doing it for us not for Judy or the church or to have something to do. We are REALLY wanting to get this started and to stay with it and do it correctly!! I know right now that this is NOT going to be easy!! But I am going to try my best, and have alot of support from many others around us.

Anyway, I am going to try and keep up with this FPU Blog post at least once a week if not more. It says to journal our experience, so I figured this would be the best place. This week we are doing our Basic Quickie Budget and reading chapters 1,2,3, and 10. ( If I can find my book from last year - I am pretty sure I know where it is) Actually hold on I am going to go look now instead of "putting it off"........YAY!!! I know you all can not see a time, but I actually knew eactly where it was. Took me a minute maybe to go get it out of our closet, man it was dusty...LOL!! Anyway, this is it now- I am handing ALL of my finances over to God. I hope, no I KNOW that if we do this correctly it WILL work for us. I guess you will have to keep up with me on here if you guys want to see our results the whole way through until the end, or should I say until our new beginning!!

-Missy